This Week on The News Dump (Sept 15th, 2019)

Our comedy writers are here to help your brand find its funny. The hive-mind is ready to spring into action the second you hit that big red button – but they all have enviable comedy writing careers that run alongside their work with White Label.

Some write for TV Panel Shows, others write for Radio Comedies. A few can be found helping the UK’s best stand-ups punch-up their material. But there’s one thing they ALL have in common: each and every member of the White Label Comedy hive-mind contributes to satirical comedy outlet The News Dump.

A side-project we developed to keep our writing sharp, our material topical, and give our funny-bones a chance to operate unfiltered.

Here are just a few of the articles the White Label Comedy hive-mind contributed to The News Dump this week.

Scammer tricked grandmother, aged 93, into proroguing Parliament

A distraught grandmother has revealed how a callous scammer tricked her into proroguing Parliament. The victim, who lives in the London area, doesn’t want to be identified because she feels deeply upset at the con trick. So she’s asked to be referred to by a nickname, Queenie.

“At first the fellow seemed to be perfectly plausible,” sighed Queenie as she lovingly stroked the ears of her pet Corgi. But looking back on it, even then there were tell-tale signs that he was a Wrong ‘Un. The ruffian had masses of unruly blonde hair and reminded me a bit of that awful Marilyn Monroe whom my husband keeps lusting after.”

Queenie said the scam couldn’t have come at a worse time, as her family was already going through a difficult period.

(Read More)


Ofcom enforces new guideline requiring broadcasters to meet diversity quota of ‘At least one Romesh Ranganathan’ per show.

Romesh Ranganathan is to host a new show for Sky Arts entitled  “Romesh Presents…”. This follows a recent guideline by Ofcom that shows are to now meet a diversity quota of at least ‘1 Romesh Ranganathan’.

The government-approved regulatory released the following statement: “We constantly strive for broadcasters to highlight diversity, and we are still seeing far too few shows without any Romesh Ranganathan at all.”

(Read More)


Kids openly proroguing each other in British schools

Undercover footage has revealed that kids in British schools are opening proroguing each other in full view of staff who are powerless to stop them.

Boris Johnson took the decision to prorogue parliament despite no one knowing what proroguing means. Prime minister Boris is refusing to seek to delay Article 50. However, across the country children are in fear of stepping into the playground in case they too are prorogued.

One pupil who asked to remain nameless told us “I’ve heard that year 7’s often get prorogued, it’s like an initiation by the older kids but if anyone tries to prorogue me I will prorogue them back. Or tell the teacher.”

(Read More)


Heinz introduces new post-Brexit can consisting of nothing but a single bean in juice.

On average, a Heinz tin contains about 465 beans. This is to expected to be reduced by approximately 464 beans for future cans, in order to make the most of Post-Brexit food shortages.

“Heinz are preparing for Brexit by making changes to our famous beans! By diverting resources, we’re able to use existing ingredients to make an extra 400 cans! And why not chill the 99% juice cans for a refreshing summer treat!”

(Read More)

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